Love Till it Hurts
by Bleak0125
Summary: Set after series 4, the aftermath of Clay and Gemma and how they cope with the mess the club, and their own lives is in now.
1. Chapter 1

**_Warning: I don't own any of sons of anarchy wish I did. The characters are borrowed the plot leads on from the end of series 4 so beware of spoilers._**

Gemma's head was pounding; apparently Jack Daniels wasn't the best coping method, who would have known. Gemma wasn't sure what was offending her most, Jax's and his little doctor slut playing king and queen bee or seeing Clay every single day. Yea she did know the issue was seeing Clay every day, they were officially considered split so the crow eater tarts were flocking around him. If one more sexy 20 something offered him another sugar in his coffee, she was gonna rip her sweet little southern accent voice box right out of her, see how the little cutie liked that.

The issue was Gemma had nowhere to be now; she had devoted her life to her family and the club so she had nowhere else to be than in the club. Everyone was too polite to mention the fact that she didn't really belong here now, sure. Tig had spent many afternoons talking to her and Gemma knew this was quite some effort for Tig whose sentences were best kept short and not often. Issue was she spent none of this time listening to him and all of it staring at her potential soon to be ex-husband.

He was gonna have to ask her for a divorce, he hadn't been home in weeks apart from to change and shower when he knew she was out. He was guilty she appreciated that, didn't make her feel any better about the end of her marriage though.

Oh god the doctor was back as if her afternoon couldn't get any worse...

"Gemma... Your here" Tara shot as more of a statement than a question.

"The eaters make the best coffee" Gemma lied with ease, in the last year she had got so used to that.

"Right so how do you think it's going, we were thinking about getting this room redecorated, hopefully something that won't show up the inevitable bullet holes as well, what do you think?" Tara asked.

Gemma knew this was clearly more of a show of power than an actual question and felt she nodded her head appropriately.

"Looks like you two can do what you want in here now sweetheart" she told her with a false smile.

She staggered none too gracefully off her bar stall hoping Tara wouldn't notice.

"How much have you been drinking?" Tara whispered to her.

"Enough" Gemma whispered back.

"It's not going to change anything you know" Tara told her.

Gemma didn't want a lecture, she wanted a vodka.

"If I promise not to throw up on your new carpets will you promise to leave my drinking habits for myself to judge?" Gemma asked.

"Nope. Have you tried talking to him?" Tara asked.

"There is nothing to say" Gemma said sadly. Realising she clearly said too much.

"Anyway i'm gonna get to the gym and then the store do you two want anything picking up?" Gemma asked.

That was when she heard the sound of it and just froze in shock.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Again warning I don't own Sons of Anarchy, spoilers for season 4 and tons of bad language.**_

He watched her talking to Tara she was so beautiful when she was clearly so hung over she was avoiding light, sunglasses on inside the club was a bit of a giveaway.

He listened half-heartedly to Jax's new meeting, he assumed it would be the same flower power using the club to rescue kittens from tree's shit Jax had been talking about recently. Well not quite but it was the same pussy shit and he couldn't be bothered to fake interest. Jax clearly wasn't realising what he had at his disposal.

He missed being in charge, he hated being at the 'his opinions don't mean shit side of the table' he hated the hotel he had been sleeping in he wanted to go home and go to his bed. Take her to bed more likely he thought. He was tired he didn't sleep well alone and it had been years since he had too. He saw she was tired too, despite the obvious passing out from drinking too much she had been doing.

She would never take him back, why would she after what he had done to her? He would do anything to take it back but he knew he couldn't, he had hurt the most precious thing in the world to him. The woman that had loved him despite all the shit he threw at her.

He was walking to the door when the first gun fire hit.

When he heard the gun shots smashing through the walls of the club and he saw Gemma and the look of horror on her face, he threw himself at her jumping over the tables between them and knocking the chairs to the ground. He grabbed her, and pushed her to the ground and held her as the guns fired and she shook.

Then they stopped as suddenly as they had started.

"Are you ok?" he asked her.

"Are you?" she asked still clinging to him so tightly.

"I'm fine if you are" he told her.

"Then i'm good" she said looking deep into his eyes.

The rest of the club had gone into attack mode there was cursing and gun shots returned and he hadn't even noticed.

He stood up as quickly as possible, Gemma had barely had chance to catch her breath.

He rushed out the door with the others, leaving the wives and crow eaters in shock as he went to go kill who ever had ever dared fuck with his family.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Yay a review, thank you! Same warning applies don't own any of the SOA characters, and occasion bad language.**_

Even after all these years Gemma still felt sick as she waited for her boys to return. She wasn't a fool, she knew what went on and she had seen enough of their side shot and killed from it. Every time they went after someone, with some 'business to sort out' that's what Clay always called it, every time she worried.

It seemed like an eternity, with all the club wives waiting around helplessly drinking coffee while they helped clean up the club house as best they could. Which considering the damage meant throwing everything out and sweeping shell casings and glass off the floor. Gemma didn't mind the cleaning at least it kept her doing something.

That was when she heard the sound of the bikes pulling back in to the car park and her heart raced. She raced over to the window or what was left of it and did the head count she always did on their arrival. One missing.

Her heart stopped.

She watched as they got off the bikes. She saw the flick of long golden hair as one of the men strode towards them and she knew her boy was ok.

"Who?" Gemma asked as Jax walked through the door. She rushed over to her son and wrapped her arms tightly around him.

"The new prospect. We got to the 9'er's, they ambushed us shots were fired, Jimmy was hit." Jax said.

One of the crow eaters started to cry. Silly bitch Gemma thought where is the sense in screwing around before he's at least fully patched up.

"Oh god. Everyone else?" Gemma asked. Looking expectantly at the door, her heart raced as she looked at the group walking in. She couldn't see Clay.

"He's fine mom, he shot the one that got Jimmy, the guy shot at Clay but it only grazed his arm, he'll live" Jax said looking over with a sneer of disgust as Tig helped Clay into the club house.

Gemma saw that his shirt was blood soaked so was his cut. She hoped it wasn't his.

"Do you want me to take a look at it?" Tara asked as she walked over to Clay, looking at the ground as she spoke.

"No i'll be fine" he said shrugging his shoulder, Gemma noticed a slice wince as he did it.

"We should all go home and change, the police were called they will probably be here soon once they find Jimmy" Jax said.

The boys nodded, and left the bar one by one. Clay was last to leave he walked over to the bar and poured himself a triple whiskey and swallowed it in one.

He turned to Gemma. "I'll go home then" he told her.

She nodded.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Yay another review thanks! Disclaimer: I own no one, I'm just enjoying playing with them.**_

She opened her front door and took a deep breath before closing it after her.

She walked in to the kitchen, through the lounge. Visions of her and Clay fighting flooding through her mind, she had pulled a gun on him over there. He had beaten her till she was black and blue on that spot. She had scrubbed her own blood off the carpet that night.

She felt sick, she shook it away. She was being silly; she was an adult she had to get over it already.

This was the first time she was in the house alone with him, since well... what had happened.

She was nervous; she could hear the shower on upstairs. She walked up the flight of stairs, a trip she had took so many times but today it seemed endless.

She walked over to the bathroom door and hesitated. Should she knock?

She knew that he was hurt; she had to at least check on him.

She mentally shook herself, gathered up her courage and knocked on the door.

"Hey Clay it's me, I was wondering if you wanted me to put a wash on for those clothes.." Gemma called.

"Yea sure thanks, they are hung up on the other side of the door" he told her.

She opened the door and then covered her eyes to walk in. A few seconds later she realised how stupid that was after 17 years of marriage. He noticed that too.

"I don't think there is anything here you haven't seen before baby" he said with a wink.

She laughed, "I suppose not" she smiled looking over at him.

He smiled back.

"God that is one nasty cut" Gemma said as she walked over to the shower.

"You want to come in and check it out" he winked again.

"Stop it, but nice try" she smirked. "You should get that checked out; it could need a couple of stitches. I'll call Tara if you want? You should have let Tara look at it when she offered" Gemma said with concern.

"Did you always nag this much?" Clay replied rolling his eyes.

"Oh shush, let me know what you want to do when you get out" Gemma called as she turned around picked up his clothes and walked out knowing he was watching her with amusement.


	5. Chapter 5

**This chapter was really hard to write sorry it took so long, thanks for the reviews. And again I don't own anyone just borrowing the characters.**

He heard the knock on the front door and knew she'd answered it. He finished doing up his black shirt hoping the blood wouldn't be noticed, he didn't have time to mess around putting on a bandage.

"Ah Deputy Sheriff Roosevelt, what a charming surprise. So what brings you here?" Clay asked, as he walked down the stairs to face his unwelcome guest.

"I've just got a couple of questions for you" Roosevelt told him.

"Ask away, I know the drill" Clay answered.

"Where were you two hours ago?" the sheriff asked.

"Relaxing in a nice hot bubble bath, I must have lost track of the time but at least my hair smells minty fresh now" Clay said running his fingers through his hair to prove the point. He wished he hadn't though, the cut down his side hurt like hell because of it.

"Someone was killed, someone I know you are acquainted with" Roosevelt said.

"Someone that's been around the shop? Damn I hate losing a good customer" Clay said with mock sadness.

"So you don't know anything about it?" Roosevelt questioned.

"Nope as I said I was in the bath" Clay smiled.

Can anyone verify that you were here?" the Deputy sheriff asked.

Clay knew the Deputy Sheriff didn't believe a word of it, but he also knew that the only link they had to him was the fact that the Sons and 9'ers sometimes did business, and with business comes the occasional drama.

In his line of work, that was a body count.

"I can verify that, I joined him for most of it, isn't that right baby" Gemma said her eyes flicked to his side and then she walked over pressing herself against the side of him.

Clay knew this was because he'd already started bleeding through the shirt and not because Gemma wanted to get affectionate. Despite that fact, he enjoyed it anyway.

"So you two have sorted out your, 'disagreement' then?" Roosevelt said smugly.

"No idea what you're talking about" Gemma smiled back, "We are doing just fine aren't we sweetie?" Gemma reached across and kissed him gently on the lips.

"Always" he told her with a wink.

"It's just because we have heard rumours that you've been spending every night at the club house for weeks" the Deputy Sheriff smiled.

So clearly everyone knew about their marital issues, just great Clay thought.

"I think you need to go check those sources again, but it's good to see my tax dollars aren't going to waste. I work late, it's hard making a living as an honest mechanic" Clay smirked.

"So officer is there anything else we can help you with?" Clay asked.

"No I think that will be all for now Mr& Mrs Morrow. But if there is anything else, I know where you are" Roosevelt said and turned and walked out the door.

"You need to get that checked out, you've bled all over my shirt" Gemma complained.

"Do what you normally do take my card and buy 4 to replace it" Clay said rolling his eyes.

Gemma smiled at him.

"I should go" she said.


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks for the lovely reviews. Disclaimer: I own no one.**

"Gemma can you stay a minute" Clay said reaching to grab her arm. She moved it quickly.

"I really should be going…" she started.

"Look I know you don't want to be alone with me any longer than you have to be but we have to talk about this" Clay told her softly.

Gemma's heart raced he was gonna bring up the divorce, that he wanted to be rid of her and find some younger model and it made her heart hurt she couldn't deal with that right now.

"Please Gem" he said.

He looked at her and he looked so vulnerable. He needed her, so she sat down as far away from him as the couch would allow.

"What do you want to talk about?" Gemma asked, looking anywhere but at him she just wanted to get this over with before she broke down.

"You, me. How everything turned to shit" he sighed.

"We don't have to do this" Gemma muttered blinking away tears already starting to build up.

"We do. What I did it was so wrong. I am nothing without you and what I did, I don't deserve you" he told her.

"I wanted you dead" she confessed.

"I know and understand, I was out of control you did what you had to do with Jax and the letters" he said smiling softly at her.

"You don't get it, I love you and I always have. I say I'm all about family and I was willing to kill the love of my life, what does that make me?" Gemma said as the tears started to fall, she was passed caring that he was seeing her cry. Her heart was breaking all over again.

"It makes you a survivor. I hurt the most important thing in the world to me. I deserved it" he whispered.

"And with Piney and Tara and what you did to me. You promised me it would stop Clay" Gemma sobbed.

"I know. I lied to you Gemma and I'm sorry, with the club and the letters, I dug myself in to a hole and I did horrible unforgiveable things" Clay said jumping to his feet and pacing the room. It made Gemma jump.

"How can we get past that you tried to get the mother of my grandbabies killed?" Gemma buried her head in her hands.

"I don't know what I can do to make this right again. Any of this right" Clay replied.

"I love you, with everything I have in me. With John it was different, it never felt right, with you I was loved finally and so completely. You kept life exciting but I always believed despite the club business that you were a good man. Deep down anyway, like the night you cuddled up to me after what happened to Donna. Now I can't trust you. I'm afraid of you" she told him.

And then she stood up and walked over to him and looked him straight in the eyes.

"I still love you with all my heart and I realise what a stupid bitch that makes me. Now get out and don't come back" Gemma said.

She turned her back on him walked slowly up the stairs and along the corridor to the bathroom. Locked the door behind her and broke down crying for hours.


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you sillyname for the most hilarious comment, but I hope 1000 people don't say that it could knock my confidence just a tad! Disclaimer: I own no one; the show is awesome but sadly not mine.**

Clay knew that he couldn't bear to go back to his hotel room. The silence and the loneliness it was depressing. So he went back to the only place that had ever made him feel worth anything, well apart from by Gemma's side.

The club house was empty. This wasn't so unusual lately. There was no laughing, no drinking, no partying it up with a bunch of cheap whores; the club had lost its spirit. The brothers all trying to deal with the new order of things and all dealing with their own personal shit.

He poured himself a generous helping of Jack Daniels from the bar and carried his glass through to the meeting room. He looked at the table with its beautiful engravings and despite the fact that he had been shot only inches from it he felt safe. He took his old seat, from when he was president and just stared into space.

A knock on the door startled him.

He looked up and saw Jax's old lady standing in the doorway.

"You know some might consider that completely pathetic" Tara told him as she walked over to him.

"Well I wasn't gonna ask for their opinion" Clay pointed out.

"Take it thing's didn't go so well with Gemma?" she asked.

"She told me to get out" he admitted.

"Good. Finally she sees some sense" Tara smiled.

"Why are you here?" he asked.

"I knew you'd be here" she answered.

"And what did you want?" he sighed.

"To look at that cut. If left untreated it could cause infection and judging by the fact you're still bleeding you could probably use a few stitches. I've brought some supplies" she said.

He looked at her with astonishment.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because I'm a doctor, that's what I do" she told him.

"So you help strangers in the street now too. Wow work must be slow" he smirked.

"Your family" she whispered.

He looked at her and all he saw was Gemma, she had been so young when they had met, her eyes filled with such hope. She saw the club as a family and would have done anything to protect any of them. The years and the heart break had bittered her some but overall that was still how she felt.

"I hate you. I always will. You're part of the club and I will try and help the club when I can, for Jax" Tara told him without making eye contact.

"And Jax knows that you are here does he?" he asked.

"No he'd have happily watched you suffer" she said with obvious cut throat pride.

Another very Gemma like trait he thought to himself.

"Take off your shirt and let's get this sewed up already" she told him.

He did what she said and she treated his wound in silence then left.


End file.
